the decision

i have been thinking a lot lately about my long term memory. i have a really poor one. its hard for me to remember things before 2002. and most of my memories are vague and unclear. i think this has a lot to do with the fact that i played so many video games prior to that year.

video games are fun and probably the best and most enjoyable way to spend your leisure time. but doing nothing but playing video games like i used to has caused me to have a very poor memory of those times. i believe the reason i have such weak memories of that time is because i did not have strong emotional connections to anything that was happening.

my best and strongest memories, previous to and after 2003 all have strong emotional connections, be they joy, hate, jealousy or love. all the strongest and most intact memories are laced with emotion.

at times in my life when i have had nothing or very little to connect to i have chosen video games as my investment. i do not regret these choices, because i believe my long sessions of video game play have imbibed in me a sense of serenity and tranquility; akin to a monk who has spent his days in prayer and meditation. i also believe that spending my summers in hibernation with video games gave me a strong sense of self and comfort with who i am, which has allowed me to be successful in my post video game social life. perhaps this is foolishness, but it cannot be completely denied.

however, i believe that subconsciously i have recognized this ill side-effect of massive video gaming and have chosen to limit my gaming since 2002. i have undoubtedly taken my forays back into the deeper world of gaming world, a la elder scrolls iv: oblivion and pokemon. however in general i have little desire to delve deeper than an occasional bit of gaming.

i feel that this decision has greatly improved my quality of life. as fun as video games can be they will never exceed the joys which can be found in human relationships.