i am good at completing tasks quickly. it is one of my strengths and weaknesses. i often do things too fast and many times have i been told that quality is more important than quantity. but i still take pride in being the first one done with a test, assignment, task, etc.
at my job we have to do a thing called billing, and i am very fast at it because you have to type lots of numbers and i am really quick on the 10-key. anyway, my coworker gave me a couple things to bill and i pumped them out quickly and gave them back to her...usually i do this and i always hope that the person will recognize my speed. they never do though! but finally today my coworker said "that was fast!". so i have done this many times, always hoping to have my skills rewarded with some verbal praise at the least. but when it was given i didn't really know how to respond. i didn't say thank you, because it was not really given as a compliment. and i wasn't going to agree with her, because then it would be like i'm just bragging. so i just stood there and didn't say anything. then i went and sat down and realized that really i just want to be recognized as good or fast. but i also want the praise to come without me having to pull it out, in other words i want them to notice it without me making them notice it...if that makes sense.
what does this say about me? im not positive. but i will guess it means that i seek the approval of others....and when i do get it does not matter to me. so i guess i should make an effort to not seek the approval of others, since it really isn't benefiting me in any measurable way.
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We are programmed to seek the approval of others from the moment we are born. From our earliest years, when we have done something "right" we have received pats on the back, applause, "good job"s, or good grades. Instead of just sharing our joy when we have achieved something we get rewards (or sometimes punishments when we've done something "wrong") from the people who matter to us most. Instead of learning to enjoy satisfaction for satisfaction's sake, we have learned that our accomplishments belong to other people. It makes us smaller. It keeps us in control. Whether by parents, teachers, or employers. We are completely obsessed with behaviorism and it really benefits no one.
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