the illustrious history

My friends make me ashamed

2011-10-27T03:00:00.000-07:00

I live in Portland Oregon. I have amazing friends and family here and all over the place. Some of them are doing amazing things. I am surrounded by people doing things that blow my mind. Making music, art, raising amazing children, giving speeches.

These people make me feel ashamed because I am not doing anything like that. I am not doing anything near the stuff these people are up to. These assholes have photo studios, art studios, creative spaces. They are trading stocks, listening in on board meetings, opening bars. They are going on tour to Europe and they are making a good living from their creative juices!

I keep meeting new people who make me feel more and more ashamed for my own lack of doing amazing things. I met this girl who runs her own vintage store, she is years younger than me and has a really fancy job in a PR firm. One of my oldest friends has a truly legit job where she goes out to eat at fancy restaurants and bars and gets served up by the finest chefs in Chicago.

They inspire me to want to do amazing things, but most of the time I don't feel capable of matching up with these people. They all have these projects. Musical, artistic, running record labels, production companies, films, law school, fancy jobs. I have never been a bitter person towards the success of others, and that has not changed. I feel blessed to be surrounded by these creative and successful people, but sometimes it makes me feel ashamed of how little I have accomplished and how little I have in the corral waiting to come out.

For the last few months I have been trying to figure out what my project is going to be. I have a few ideas floating around in my head but for the most part I feel at a loss. That's it. I haven't got anything else to say. Hopefully someday soon it will come together, but in the mean time I am just going to try to be happy and improve myself.

meandering

2011-04-05T14:09:00.000-07:00

cheetohs, ice cream, and cashews are not a real meal! why do i keep pretending they are?

right now i'm watching blue valentine. ryan gosling is pretty smooth, most of all when he meets the wife character for the first time. i would like to be more like that.

sometimes i can be smooth but i think mostly i just lack that confidence.

i am about 40 minutes into the movie, it is pretty depressing..(40 minutes later)..wow just got more depressing....well so much for me live blogging this movie, I gotta go to work!

No Conclusion

2011-03-13T21:35:00.001-07:00

Tonight my x girlfriend is on her first date since the breakup. Why do I know this? I shouldn't! I wish I didn't.

Moving on is difficult. I don't know how many times I have written a blog in here in the last week, only to delete it because it got too personal/depressing/whining sounding.

Today was good though, for the most part. I have been spending more time around people that I was not seeing at all while in the relationship. It is really amazing how I convinced myself/was convinced that I didn't have time for more friends/people/relationships, or maybe I was just so satisfied by the one I was in? I'm not sure.

It all seems so unhealthy now.

I need to stop standing in front of this closed door, because behind me are infinite other doors opening and closing all the time. But it is hard not to linger nearby, at least now.

reflections of a mosh pit

2011-03-08T14:36:00.000-08:00

I got my tax refund today! Yay! I don't know what to do with it for now except put it in my savings account and hopefully I won't need it anytime soon.

I am also going to have health insurance again soon so I will be getting new glasses and or contacts...probably glasses. Also getting myself checked out although I think I am pretty much healthy.

Kristina and I broke up, so I have been learning to live alone again, after 3.5 years it is no easy feat. Slowly the joy of independence is eclipsing the pain of being without her, a little bit at a time. Here and there something happens that just wasn't possible while being in a relationship.

For instance I went to a Crystal Castles show last Sunday night. The show was sold out but my friend Alen was able to sneak me in using ninja tactics of jumping a gate and going through some emergency exits, he is a crazy guy.

But the thing I am here to mention is that during the show I went deep into the throbbing sweaty audience/mosh pit and just coexisted with the animals pushing in every direction, it was quite exhilarating. Normally I would be with my girlfriend and not want to even get near the front because I would be worrying the whole time about losing her or people pushing up against us or something like that...but being alone I could just float in the audience.

Maybe someday I will be able to date someone and let go of them in a time like that and just surf in the waves, occasionally sharing moments of happiness, but not needing each other to be happy. Maybe.

2010-01-26T16:34:00.000-08:00

I recently broke out my old gaming systems. When I moved into this one room studio apartment I put them away, having no TV. We have now had the gamecube hooked up for a long time, but now the NES and SNES are both hooked up. I don't have that many games I want to play though, a little Mario 1 and 2 and some King's Knight.

I ordered Tetris for NES, that was less than 6 dollars, and I feel a pretty good purchase. I also ordered a single lot of 4 games: the one I want most Super Mario World, is probably the most common game, but for some reason I never found it anywhere in thrift stores. Also Mario Paint and Mario Kart, both common and cool but fun games.

The Main attraction of what I ordered was Mario's All-star game, which has mario 1, 2, 3 and hte lost levels. This game is sort of rare and very collectible. It is the most valuable game I ordered, and the reason the whole lot was 36 dollars altogether. I have seen that game go for 25 or 30, and I get all 4 games with only 1 shipping and handling charge.

I miss Super Mario World, that is maybe my favorite game, perhaps even more than Pokemon.

Lost

2010-01-07T18:37:00.001-08:00

Today I walked to the library to return books, then stopped at the Whole Foods next door to see if there were any free samples floating about. I found tofurkey, a staple of the this household's diet, was on sale! I bought 6 of them for the price of 3!

I walked from there to Safeway, where they make the most fresh and delicious french bread I have found around here...even the cute European bakery can't make it as fresh as Safeway, I guess because Safeway sells more and can continue to replenish throughout the day, whereas the bakeries only make them in the morning.

I stopped by Brett's house on the way home and sat and chatted with him and Willow for a little while. Afterwords, I came home and started reading again, the activity I was doing before I left and before I went to bed last night.

I sometimes feel as though I am not doing anything worthwhile with my time. I wonder if everyone feels this at times. I am most lost when Kristina is not around. Sometimes I wonder lately if perhaps I truly am lost but being with her makes me so happy that I forget being lost.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life. In the last year I have dabbled in making music, writing, and owning my own business. I haven't failed, so much as failed to follow through, which I guess is failure. But more so I think that I just don't really want any of those things enough.

Right now, I really wish that I had a career path. I wish I would have done something other than history when I was in college, because there aren't really any jobs for someone with my "training". Ha!

There are things I am good at...like finding cheap tofurkey! Maybe I am destined to be a homemaker/parent. But I really want to find some calling...I know I am young still, but I am getting older. I will be 25 in less than 2 weeks.

When I moved to Portland it seemed as though everyone was on unemployment, I had hoped that I too could come to this city and get on it as well. I have now spent a full year being paid 277 dollars a week, while essentially doing no work. This was what I wanted. But A year later I have come to realize NO! this is not what I wanted. Or perhaps that is just society whispering into my ear, or the many voices of those around me, informed by society. I don't know. But I definitely know that I want something else.

The thing is, all this time I have been working toward a goal of not working. Essentially being on vacation all the time, which I have been on. I have been able to afford to even save money and put it towards the biggest vacation of my life! I am going to Europe with Kristina for 3 months. 3 MONTHS! A Quarter of a year. May 3rd to August 6th I will be out of the country...on vacation.

When I return I don't know what I will do. Kristina is in her final year of school and then she will apply to law schools. We will most likely move somewhere, we want a big city...either San Francisco or New York.

I think I want to teach high school history or go back to school and get a Master's Degree in Library Science, which would put me on a career track at least. But it all depends upon where we go. Teaching would be awesome, but every state has it's own rules and necessary certification programs. Library science too would be great, but to find a job, one must often be willing to relocate.

I truly feel lost, but I think everything will be fine. At least I know that whatever happens I always find a way to be happy. I have the good fortune to always be optimistic and find joy wherever I can. But I want more than to just be happy. Ah!

So Lost. (speaking of which, the final season starts soon! February 2nd WHOO HOO!!!!!)

Christmas Round-up

2010-01-02T20:04:00.001-08:00

This Christmas was my first away from my immediate family, besides Brett. Every other year before this I have made the return trip to Las Vegas for Christmas. Kristina also had her first away from family, although their traditional Christmas holiday is celebrated in the beginning of January which she will be there for, so that is not fully true. We had a small pile of presents and stockings above the heater.

We debated getting a tree but didn't want to kill a live one and thought a fake one was a waste of plastic. Hopefully next year we will be in a position to be able to replant the tree after Christmas is over.

My favorite gift so far is the record player she got me, which can hook up to the computer and record mp3's of the records, which is something I have always wished I could do, for those rare songs which aren't available online. I have been listening to the records that were taking up my shelf space for the last 2 and a half years.

I have about 300 records, mostly 12" full LPs with about thirty 7" this single format of vinyl. Many of the albums I have also have been downloaded onto my computer, but many are not available and I haven't been able to listen to lots of music for a few years. My old record player was connected to this set of speakers that were pretty much jacked up. You couldn't get sound out of one of them and so I never had it hooked up and eventually just got rid of the whole thing.

My mom made me this awesome pair of bronco pants and a scarf, but the pants are really the main part. They are so freaking warm that I basically have a blanket on my legs when I wear it. It has been nice, because the Portland weather has been very cold lately. Cold enough even to snow! My wish of Christmas snow was granted and for one blizzardly afternoon and evening it poured rain and created a magical kingdom of snow wonderland which Kristina and I both enjoyed.

I created a business called PDX Dog Walk, which is a dog walking service. I have my first customer tomorrow and I have to figure out what I'm going to do. I want to make some kind of form for her to fill out. I actually have no idea how it is going to go, because on my fake business website that she signed up on is made to make it seem like the business is legitimate. I think maybe I have to change it so I can feel safe with this.

Either way tomorrow I am going to meet this lady and walk her dog at 11am. I am going to miss the start of football on the last weekend of regular season. I have been faithfully watching the Denver Broncos who before the season started were proclaimed to be one of the worst teams in football to go on and win the first 6 games of the season, only to lose 6 of the next 8. They will need some luck even to make it to the playoffs and most likely wouldn't do anything if they got there. All I can say is it has been an exciting season and I look forward to next season eagerly.

I have been read quite a bit lately, especially the Sorrow, Memory and Thorn series. Stephanie first introduced me to this trilogy and it was my favorite book. I found a torn up library discard copy of the first book in a cafe near my house and quickly read through it. I am on the second book which I procured from the library. I am waiting on the third book, which will hopefully be delivered soon.

new music video

2009-08-12T23:59:00.001-07:00

hello this is my new music video for the song breskva candy:
filmed and edited by christina wallace all on a phone camera:

hackin it

2009-04-29T10:18:00.000-07:00

so i used to work for this small company which sold healthcare equipment, everything from tea to advanced expensive machines for measuring a fetal heartbeat.

the woman i worked for was kinda insane and really mean. she made people cry on a daily routine and ended up firing me on new years eve.

i still have the password to her website (i mostly did graphic design for the company website while i worked there) and i just went on to see if it still works, almost a year and a half later.

i uploaded a picture of an old hobo giving the finger while smoking a cigar as one of the front pages to her website, but then removed it....cause she is the sort of lady who would spend lots of money trying to track where it came from in order to get me punished.

next time i am at a computer that cannot be traced back to me i will definitely be returning to her site.

blazers

2009-04-13T22:05:00.000-07:00

i just watched the portland trailblazers play some other team and they killed the other team. it was pretty fun to hangout at a nearby place and watch the game with my brother and drink some beer. the beer was some weird kind i have never had and it was only 1 dollar a glass which seems like a good deal. cheaper than soda at most restaurants.

the last few weeks have been totally uneventful but truly divinely perfect. i wake up whenever i want, make delicious food all day long and eat it, hang out with the sexiest lady i have ever known and make love all the time. we just sit around playing games (pente, chess, boggle, mario kart, tetris, risk, jamb) and eating and sleeping and having a wonderful life. this is what its supposed to be. i am not meant to have a job and work 40 hours a week. life is perfect and will remain so for at least another couple months.

im very happy now. i love my life :)

San Francisco, California

2009-03-17T01:00:00.000-07:00

I was invited to go to San Francisco along with Kristina by our friend Natalie. We drove her car 10 hours on Wednesday from Portland. It was a very nice start to our trip, we stopped at in-n-out and ate some delicious grilled cheese and animal fries!

We finally arrived at the house of this couple and their friend who were putting us up to sleep on their floor around 10:30 or 11pm. We played a board game called apples to apples which was so fun and I definitely want a copy of it.

Our hosts were friends of Natalie. The couple were really nice, Natasha and Bryan. The guy is really into Pokemon and had all kinds of video games and comics laying around. He was awkward but probably the kindest person we met the whole time. Their roommate was this guy named Tylan...I think...neither Kristina nor I were ever exactly sure what his name was.

We went to bed sort of late and conversely woke up pretty late, which turned out to be a common theme on this trip. We got up and walked to the Castro, which is the gay district of San Francisco where they filmed Milk and also where the nearest post office was at. We had to find one in order so that Natalie could overnight a copy of her door key back to her roommates, because she locked a cat in her room.

We walked all the way up a huge hill and then down it, to get to the Castro, then Natalie realized she forgot the key so we walked all the way back up and down the hill to get back to the house we were staying at. (Later someone showed us a way to get there without crossing over the huge hill.) We decided to drive to our next destination, Boogaloo. This is a delicious diner that I had been to twice before and remembered loving the food, so I insisted that we go. I only remembered that it was near a coffee shop that had a communist looking flag for a sign, which was enough information to get us directions.

We walked to Dolores Park and got ice cream and then walked all over the Mission district trying to refind the car which we lost. We then drove back to their house and relaxed after a tiring day. Unfortunatley we were stationed in the living room and we all ended up staying up late watching the Tyra show on Oxygyn. It felt like a big waste of time to me, because we were doing it in San Francisco but the whole trip was very relaxing and not intended to be doing so much stuff.

The next morning was Friday the 13th, which ended up being a pretty crazy and eventful one. We left the house with Natalie and Natasha and walked to a cute little Tea place, where old ladies serve tea and tiny sandwiches or crumpets and everything else that is eaten at tea cozies. But it was really expensive and felt like a waste of money to me, so we left and went downtown to eat a falafel sandwich, which was so good. I kept spitting pieces of french fries to this hungry pigeon and then we left to check out Haight and Ashbury.

Haight and Ashbury was cool because of all the cute shops and weird people walking around, but we weren't really trying to spend too much money, so we just wandered around until Amoeba, where I spent more than I should have on some of Montreal and Serge Gainsborg records and a cd. Then we met up with the other roommates and walked to the incredibly beautiful Golden Gate Park where we were offered various drugs several times. We setup a sleeping bag near a huge statue of Grover Cleveland and some religious looking statue, where we proceeded to take magical mushrooms. We just laid there and looked up in the clouds and wandered around while a huge drum circle played our background music.

We walked from Haight to their house, which was the most epic journey and included some of the most beautiful sites I have ever seen. We saw views of the entire city from high upon the hills, overlooking the whole bay. We also walked through a very long stretch where we passed crazy spectacle after spectacle, all while tripping on the magic fungus. The scariest part was when some man was peeing in broad daylight for everyone to see. The funniest part was when some bike rider stopped in front of us and asked us if we knew the way to marshmallow fields and then left us before waiting for a response.

Once we finally got back to their house we played with their kitten for awhile and then Bryan started playing the video game Katamari Damacy, which started to really really freak me out. I began to believe that the game was telling me to get a hotel and I was very conscious of the people in that house wanting me to leave their house. I told Kristina we should go on a walk and then after taking a little too long I told her we had to leave now and we sort of abruptly left. We just started walking and eventually came to the Castro. We walked back and forth over this 3 block area and sat on a bench for a long time. Finally we went into this really packed pizza place called Escape from New York. The only open spot was a table next to another huge table and the wall, so we had to sit apart from one another, next to this table full of bald gay men who kept chanting "Dick, Dick, Dick". I was really starting to freak out in there and told Kristina we had to leave. We walked back to the roommates house and decided that we for sure had to get a hotel that night. I finally felt better and we walked inside and booked a hotel at the Palace.

The Palace is the oldest hotel in San Francisco, it was rebuilt once after the great Earthquake of 1906 and was so beautiful and fancy. It was the first hotel listed on-line when we booked a hotel and Kristina offered to pay for the luxurious 5-star hotel in San Francisco (of Montreal lyric). We pretended to be snobby rich people and I even flirted with the idea of calling the concierge and demanding a softer bathrobe, but was not brave enough to do. I did however walk down the hallway to the ice machine wearing only the bathrobe, acting like a rich old snob. We took a bath and drank whiskey and then around 2am tried to find a 24-hour diner. We found an intersection with 3 of them and chose the cutest one, which had the most disgusting food, sadly.

We went back to the hotel and fell asleep watching TV. In the morning we left our stuff with the front desk so that we could travel freely to the Museum of Modern Art, which had some lame exhibit from this German guy. The best part was seeing Marcel Duchamp's urinal statue. We also ate at this amazingly delicious Indian buffet which was pretty expensive but totally worth it.

Then we walked through Chinatown and bought the cutest orange shiny lantern and a hello kitty Rubicks cube. Those were the only real souvenirs we bought, also a shot glass and some postcards. We also walked through Russian hill and little Italy. We went to San Francisco Art Institute and saw a view from high above the city and got some nice pictures of Alcatraz.

We parted ways with Natalie and met my friend Raina Blair who I met in my previous trips to San Francisco. She let Kristina use her ID to get into the bar we went to and we ended up having lots of drinks and meeting some nice people and dancing to old R&B and soul music. It was so much fun dancing slow with Kristina, cause we usually are dancing to rap music or grinding, but I made her just slow dance with me and spin around.

We forgot our bag of souvenirs but ran back and were able to get them. We ate at this crappy little pizza place and then took a cab back to the house we stayed at. We woke up the next day around 1pm. Everyone there had played King's Cup and got really drunk so they slept in as well. This one guy who was visiting them was snoring so loud that he sounded like a bulldog terrorizing a pillow or something, it made me crack up while I was trying to sleep.

We all went to this vegan restaurant called Weird Fish. I had some really good biscuits and gravy and Kristina had seitan fish and chips which left something to be expected. Afterwards we drove straight home, stopping only for gas, burger kind, and del taco. The ride home was incredibly scary at moments when I drove through thick fog, rain, darkness, and other scariness, also when Kristina turned off the headlights while driving 90 mph! It felt really good to get home and sleep in my own bed.

Altogether it was one of the best trips I have been on and San Francisco is one of the most beautiful cities I have ever been in, maybe the most beautiful. The people all over the city that I met, whether they were working in shops, working in the restaurants, trying to sell me drugs in the park, or just walking their dogs, were all so friendly and nice. I hope that someday I can live there, I just don't see how it could happen anytime soon. Portland reminds me of SF in many ways, but is incredibly cheaper. Anyone who reads through all of this, congratulations, I am impressed with your fortitude!

travel = eating

2009-03-12T21:58:00.000-07:00

today i am writing from san francisco. today i woke up on someone's floor and then ate a bunch of food.

i ate vegetable tempura, sushi, a few licks of roasted banana ice cream, hash browns, 2 eggs over-medim, 4 slices of sourdough toast, a biscit covered in gravy and a soy mocha.

hike

2009-02-28T16:17:00.000-08:00

today me and kristina went on a hike in washington park.

i woke up around 8am. i dont know how, but it happened. i laid in bed until 9:15am, sleeping and waking back up.

i made eggs and toast for breakfast and tried to get kristina to get out of bed, that made her very upset with me. i made sandwiches and an alcoholic beverage called firewhiskey but has no whiskey. and i packed some water and a few chocolates. we left the house around 10:15am and got off at the lloyd center and jumped on the light rail which took us out to the zoo and washington park. we walked all the way to the japanese gardens but decided it was not worth 6 dollars to see it at this time of year. later we will return when the garden is in full bloom. we ate and drank and enjoyed the beautiful fresh air. now we are at the library. tonight we are going to watch season 3 of gilmore girls! woohoo!

day off

2009-02-18T15:59:00.000-08:00

i just woke up at 4pm because 3 car alarms were going off at the same time! yesterday me and kristina had the day off (i actually have every day off) and we woke up around 2pm. after waking up and eatong breakfast we went to the movie theatre and watched coraline in 3d and the international.

coraline was a great story and so cool to watch, especially in 3d. its kind of like alice in wonderland meets beetlejuice. with claymation stop motion animation. my favorite part was either the cat or the kangaroo circus mice.

the second movie was the international which was altogether slow and boring with only the ending going for it. the best part is how the ending of the movie shows what life is really like. and kristina's favorite part is the aged italian hitman casually uttering "graci" to clive owen after he kills the evil banker.

on the way home we stopped to get chili, pizza, soda, cookies and ice cream. what else does anyone need, ever?

doin nothin

2009-02-11T17:37:00.000-08:00

woke up around 2:45pm, went online and read many websites, watched conan o brian reruns online and ate 3 eggs hash browns and toast.

subjects

2009-01-31T19:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my little brother Sean's birthday. He came over to my house around 1pm and I made him some hash browns with fake meat and onions and some toast. Then we played Wii for awhile and just chilled out and hung around.

Then we met downtown and met Kristina and some other friends. We just walked around shopping, it was fun even though I didn't buy anything. Sean had to take a shower so he went home early and then we walked to Natalie's house which was like 30 minutes walking distance, my legs are a little tired still.

There we played with a white Cat named Malkovich named after the actor. Natalie then drove us all to Sean's house where a show was underway. Sean was drinking some whiskey someone gave him for his birthday. He was mildly drunk. We all played Katamari Damacy which was pretty fun. At one point Sean was downstairs alone with this girl he had mentioned a desire to makeout with and Kristina and I tried to guard the entrance to downstairs, but no one wanted down. Eventually I found out that nothing happened, but it was fun to try to help.

Kristina and I got home around 1am I think, which to us is very early so we ate some cheese and tofurkey sandwiches and played around and just talked for a long time. Its crazy how I can talk to her about anything, and she understands me so well that certain things I can't even explain in words she just knows what I mean. I feel very fortunate for that!

Some people I can't talk to, I just feel so weird or awkward at times in conversations. And sometimes I want to talk about weird or crazy subjects which require the other person to know of all these other weird or crazy subjects we have discussed previously.

pacman

2009-01-29T14:11:00.000-08:00

lately me and kristina have been playing lots of pac-man on the wii. each of the four ghosts have their own personality. the red one aka shadow aka speedy aka the devil is the worst. he is always breathing down your neck.

the pink one is a sneak. he is always teaming up with red to come at you from two sides. the orange one is stupid most of the time but occasionally will smarten up in certain stages. the blue one is just a dumbass plain and simple.

the high score is somewhere in the 77 thousand range right now, but i think it is close to being broken.

as toad on standard s bike

2009-01-26T02:09:00.000-08:00

last night i stayed up late...until 5am! tonight i would like to go to sleep earlier. here is my list of goals for tomorrow/this week:

go to the bank and discuss my savings account with someone

finally mop the kitchen and bathroom floors

vacuum

go downtown to the library to pick up the graduate and drop off the other dvds

finish a drawing to cover up the bare wall

make sure i get unemployment insurance for this week and part of last week if possible

study my bosnian study guides

read more of my book

write more in my notebook (maybe go to fuel cafe or some other cafe on alberta)

make pasta sauce from scratch

try making vegan Caesar dressing again with less honey mustard

beat all the cups in mario kart wii on 150CC

Hobo Tip of the Day

2009-01-25T02:27:00.000-08:00

a few days ago i spent a long time blogging and my post was lost after writing for a long time.

today i finally gave in after realizing that my extra backup hard drive i purchased a few months ago has failed and i am not left without all the files i put on there.

fortunately i still have all my pictures. i would be devastated if i lost them. i must reback them up now. i have all the music that was on mine and kristina's ipods. i lost lots of music, but i kept most of the best.

i lost all the documents i have saved since high school. i also lost all the ds games i downloaded that are not on my ds card as well as all of my computer games (civilization 4, fallout 3 [the reason i upgraded all of my hardware], colonization, some others games too i think, and a huge list of downloaded movies and shows i had planned to watch.

there is probably other things i cannot think of now that were lost, but it is okay because all the most important stuff was backed up and most of it is replaceable.

kristina's external hard drive also has recently broken ( a few days ago ) so i am feeling very upset with technology. i am currently reinstalling vista on her computer after uninstalling it and reinstalling XP because vista was running crappy. microsoft made all of the drivers for her hardware vista only so she would not be able to watch movies or listen to music or use her network card on XP....so stupid!

Im excited about Obama...more excited than I have been so far with him...he is actually doing things he said he would. I just wish he would close guantanmo bay sooner than a year from now.

Being unemployed so far has been nice. I have been getting some small stuff done and relaxing quite a bit. I need to make a new list of goals and try to focus on getting things done next week. I wanted to sell my car but looking on craigslist I have seen that my car is selling for half of what I was expecting to get for it. This might be from people not having money because of the economy. Maybe I should hold on to it longer...at least until the President gives out either refunds or more stimulus checks. I don't want to sell too low.

Tonight me and Kristina broke out all of my old CD's, it is fun to look at all the artwork. I haven't looked at some of the artwork in years. I sold some of the ones I never listened to or didn't want anymore sometime when I was in Las Vegas but I still have about 150-200.

Soon I am going to get a replacement needle and stereo system to play my record player and then I can break out the record collection which will be even more fun to look at. One thing I read to do to save money is to go through all your old things instead of buying new things. You might have something you forgot about or haven't played with enough! That is my unemployed hobo tip of the day!

fuck IE

2009-01-23T12:22:00.000-08:00

I jsut wrote a blog entry for an hour....I did all this research online while I was writing it....citing studies and stuff. And it ALL GOT DELETED because of STUPIDASS internet explorer! ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

doing nothing

2009-01-19T13:46:00.000-08:00

i've been playing lots of video games lately. pac-man and shining force II

it is so nice to have this free time. my goals for today are:

get a letter notarized for my sister and mail it out, to prove my niece was born and should get a birth certificate ( i already did this one, im just putting it on the list in order to feel productive)

do the dishes

vacuum the floor

maybe mop

fix kristina's computer (wish me luck!)

make a grocery store list that will include:

garbage bags
toilet paper
potatoes
rice
pizza
fake 7-up

some other stuff that is cost effective

plans change

2009-01-16T13:42:00.000-08:00

THE PLAN

My job hired me at the end of October. My first day on the job was the busiest, it has become slower every day. Sometimes I would just walk around downtown dropping off invoices which could easily have been mailed out. They hired me when they didn't really need anyone and they were paying my a salary of 30,000 a year. I knew that they were going to have to let me go eventually, I was hoping it would have been closer to May, because that is around when Kristina and I are going to Europe.

I would be able to take a short vacation before the real vacation and collect unemployment while I am in Europe. And I could just cut my expenses during the period between being let go from my job and when I leave the country.

REALITY

I was let go "due to restructuring" on Wednesday. I knew it was coming long before it came. This is actually a blessing though, I went straight to the unemployment office after work. I made a list of things I need to do, including cutting expenses, getting on food stamps. I need to sell my car too, and now I have no excuse! If I am able to sell it for at least 3000 dollar then I will still be able to meet my 2009 resolution of paying off my debt.

NEW PLAN

I am going to enjoy this time off, unlike last time I was fired (378 days before). I am going to definitely collect unemployment this time, because I was not fired for something I did, I was let go due to restructuring. I am going to find new sources of income that I won't have to declare. I am considering selling some of my old CD's and records because they just sit there going unlistened to, but I think I might regret that someday.

I am going to try doing simple work online for amazon.com in order to pay for internet and a new phone (my work phone was obviously taken away from me). I also want to explore the option of selling stuffed animals online. I am also going to enjoy not waking up at 7:30am 5 days a week. I will enjoy the Wii my brother let me borrow.

One bad thing about that job is I was being forced to dress a certain way, shave, comb my hair a certain way, look normal, clothes must not be stylish in anyway. It was turning me into a person I do not want to be and I am glad that I have moved on from that place. I can wear tennis shoes and orange heart bracelets and whatever else I want.

Maybe it is wrong to collect unemployment when I could easily get a job if I just tried. Perhaps I should not be using food stamps when I could afford food if I just worked. Most of the arguments against this that I have come up with are fallacies: the government spends half our taxes on bombs, this world is messed up and I shouldn't have to work 40 hours a week, if I don't collect some fatcat will collect it instead, the deficit is in the trillions and will continue to be in the trillions until the US government collapses. Really none of these arguments address the fact that I am taking money from a fund which is designed to help those who need the money, when I do not in fact need the money. I don't feel bad though.

Mario

2009-01-13T16:37:00.000-08:00

Today I drove the company van to Astoria, Oregon. Astoria is a small port town about 2 hours drive from portland. The drive is very beautiful and has many interesting things including bridges, many rivers to drive nearby, creeks, swamps, farms, and other things too.

The drive was very nice and now I'm back at work which is not so nice. I ate a cheese and fake turkey sandwich while I drove, I also listened to my ipod and sang real loud while driving. I prefer the car radio over the ipod but this radio had no reception and I don't like the radio songs anyway.

My grandmother (aka nanny) sent me some soft pajama type shirt and a check for 30 bucks which I used to buy the board game Pente. The game is fun, but got sort of boring after a little while. I think it would be more fun with more people.

Sean let me borrow his Wii, I have been playing Mario Kart trying to get all of the trophies in order to unlock extra characters and cars. I always play as toad on a bike. The courses are so fun and cute...such an improvement over the last Mario I played.

you

2009-01-12T08:11:00.000-08:00

Kristina and i are working through our problems. We both want to be together and still move in together. We spent friday night, saturday and sunday playing wii, talking, eating, grocery shopping, watching football with jeremys new baby, watched harry potter leafed out. I went to bretts work and had a pretzel and some apple cider. Then we went to seans house for some hanging and played some crusader game. We also all hung out friday night and rearranged my house. It looks really good now. I also hung a bunch of stuff from the ceiling with kristina. Some origami animals, the scarfed octopus of yarn which harper made for me, and some cubed paper things.

This weekend has put a lot of things in perspective and i feel really good about everything.

2009 resolutions

2009-01-08T12:02:00.000-08:00

last time i was at the grocery store i saw some sweet potatoes and i decided i wanted to try making some mashed sweet potatoes. i once tasted a dish from this soul food/ethiopian place in portland that i remembered really liking. it tasted almost like maple syrup mashed potatoes.

last night i made them, a little brown sugar and a tiny bit of syrup went into 4 giant mashed sweet potatoes with a little fake butter and some salt. it was okay but not great and a little weird. i made way too much and kristina didn't really like it so i decided that it would probably go bad and be thrown out but we went to a viewing of 2001: a space odyssey at this place called the doll house, which is just a house where some friends live who own a projector.

they were all pretty high so they ate it all up, they were also watching the 1998 x files movie instead of 2001 when we got there, but they changed that soon after. it was kind of boring but also kind of fun. i drank one shot of tequila and drank a miller high life which was kinda gross. but im not sure if it was gross because of my perception of that beverage or if it really is gross. i might have made up my mind about that beer when i read that it was a union made beer/champagne of beers. oh well!

my new years resolution this year is to pay off my credit card debt and save money for europe this summer. my credit card debt was up to 4300 but not it is down to 3800 and if i continue putting 200 dollars from every paycheck toward it as well as stop using it completely i will have it fully paid off by the end of the year. i feel this is a good goal because i have been doing it and i know i can continue to do it. the savings part is the same, i am putting 200 a paycheck into a savings account.

my other resolution is to be more adventurous and try to break my routine as much as possible. this will be very difficult but making that sweet mashed potato was a start and it will continue!

Collected thoughts

2008-12-29T13:16:00.000-08:00

I am currently at work on a lunch break. I got back from Las Vegas last night and the cab ride home was nice. The man did not ever speak to us...I almost offered him a Snickers fun size but I thought he might think it was poisoned so, to show him it was not poisoned, I offered in to Kristina first....she took it and ate it.

We got home and it was nice to be back but someone....probably Sean.....left the light on! My attempt to not use any power while I was gone backfired, despite unplugging every single thing I own. Oh well.

I put all my clothes and stuff away and we made some macaroni and cheese with fake meat....mostly Kristina made it, I just sat on the bed and ironed my work clothes for today.

R. Kelly makes the best sex music I have ever heard....I want to listen to more of his stuff, all I have is the newest album, a few excellent singles and his terrible, with the exception of I Believe I Can Fly, best of.

I tried dueting that Space Jam theme song with Kristina in Las Vegas when we did karaoke but it didn't go over so well...

A list of songs that did not go over so well:

This is How we do it - Montell Jordan
Let's Stay together - Al green
many more that I have blocked out

Songs that went over well:

Here, there, and everywhere - beatles
creep - radiohead
gettin' jiggy with it - big willy style will smith
say it ain't so - weezer
a few others i cant recall!

Speaking of karaoke, I don't think I ever want to go to a karaoke bar again...the little private booths are SO much better. You don't have to listen to idiots you don't know singing songs you don't want to hear...you get to just listen to your own friends sing. I prefer this way.

Today on the bus i began writing down some questions I would like to explore dealing with our perception of reality. I think its such an interesting topic!

2008-01-29T00:06:00.001-08:00

So my girlfriend lives in the dorms. Right now I am sitting in the dark while her roommate sleeps. Kristina (my gf) is getting some food for us to eat. I must stay here hiding, because I am not allowed to be here after midnight. I hope they don't see her carrying enough food for 2 and think she is harboring a non student.

Her roommate is not actually sleeping yet, but neither of us are speaking and she abruptly turned the lights off and here I am. I'm glad I never had to live in the dormitories in school.

2007-12-14T13:50:00.000-08:00

my boss has a man who has sent her many a gift through the mail. wine, large stuffed animals, flowers, etc.

he flew from new york to portland to see her. he came to our office today to see her. my boss purposely spent the entire hour and a half that he was here on the phone so that she wouldn't have to talk to him. (she normally drops all work when a guest is in). he sat in an empty office, at a computer, waiting for her to get off the phone.

finally he just got up and left. i feel bad for him. she is such a mean person.

2007-11-29T15:16:00.000-08:00

MEtroid Prime: Hunters

Fuck this game. You want to create a game that is basically impossible for left handed folk to play?

Never before in my life have I felt persecuted by my handedness. Thanks for nothing.

Ds Review 2

2007-11-28T15:16:00.001-08:00

new DS Review

I played more games, here are my reviews:

Dragon Ball Z:HARUKANARU DENSETSU

This is basically a card game, you have 5 cards which had an attack and a defense number 1-8. They also have 5 different kind of cards, each used in a different way in battle and while moving across the board. You have to strategically use them to your advantage against enemies and play out the plot of the Dragon Ball Z tv show. I love this game, the card game is fun and it reminds me how much I used to love DBZ.

The single downfall of this game is that after every attack there is a long display of what you did to your enemies and it gets somewhat repetitive.

Legend of Zelda: Phantom of the Hourglass

I will start by saying I have not truly gotten down with a zelda game in a very long time. I flirted with windwaker and that is my last experience with Link.

I was skeptical about how fun it would be using the stylus for a zelda game, and I could not have been further from the truth. The stylus is pretty much the only thing you use. You tap where you want to attack, walk with it, mark your map with it. It is so fun! I have only played the first "dungeon" of the game, but I already love it. It reminds me of my favorite Zelda game: A Link to the Past (the SNES one).

Bomberman Land

This game is alright, it is kind of kiddish. You walk around this theme park playing mini games (some really fun, some really stupid) and earn tokens and stamps to get deeper into the park. I will continue to play it a bit longer but I might delete it after a few more sessions if it does not pick up.

Madden 07

This game is kinda fun, I couldn't get through a full game cause it got boring, but it was fun to be on offense. It kept switching out my starting QB for the 3rd stringer, which was odd. I haven't played a sports game in many years, this was not bad. I might play it again, but I also might now.

Sims 2

This game sucks. You own a hotel and basically have to do chores and do whatever the game tells you to. The controls are difficult so it makes rearranging furniture not worth the effort. I deleted this after 30 minutes of playing it.

Prism

This is a basic puzzle game, you have a small board with little creatures who need light. You have other creatures who create light. Your job is to solve the puzzle so that the light gets to the creatures who need it via mirrors and other things. Very fun and simple. I like this one.

DS

2007-11-26T13:10:00.001-08:00

this blog will for now be converted into a Nintendo DS video game Review blog.

First off I will discuss my thoughts on the New Super MArio Bros game:

It is a new mario side scroller, justl ike the original marios and super mario land for SNES. It is in 3d sort of and is pretty basic. There are lots of new things added in that have not been in any other games, like climbing across ropes, bouncing around a lot. You can jump against a wall and then kick off it.

I have only played the first of 8 worlds but so far it is very fun. I have always loved the mario games and this one is no exception.

Next Game: Harvest Moon-

Harvest Moon is another game that I loved before playing the DS version. This one started out kinda slow but has already become fun for me. There are these little sprites that you release from another world whenever you do something good. I still don't know how to chop down a tree trunk or break a large rock but I like how large the town is and playing fetch with my dog.

Brain Age 2:

What do you know another rehash of a game I enjoy. This game is fun for other people to play. Brett and Kristina have both played but thats it. I want to get them to play more but KRistina is reluctant, what can you do? I like the new puzzles and games, but I also miss the old ones.

Tetris DS:

This game is cool, I had been playing Tetris on my phone for so long. Moving from that to this is like going from Pong to Wii Tennis. Much more fun to say the least.

I guess I should try to play some games which I have not already played versions of before. Soon I will do that, but for now these ones are very fun. I am excited to try the Mana games and get into some Animal Crossing. Plus I haven't even tried the new Zelda game!

the decision

2007-11-21T16:31:00.000-08:00

i have been thinking a lot lately about my long term memory. i have a really poor one. its hard for me to remember things before 2002. and most of my memories are vague and unclear. i think this has a lot to do with the fact that i played so many video games prior to that year.

video games are fun and probably the best and most enjoyable way to spend your leisure time. but doing nothing but playing video games like i used to has caused me to have a very poor memory of those times. i believe the reason i have such weak memories of that time is because i did not have strong emotional connections to anything that was happening.

my best and strongest memories, previous to and after 2003 all have strong emotional connections, be they joy, hate, jealousy or love. all the strongest and most intact memories are laced with emotion.

at times in my life when i have had nothing or very little to connect to i have chosen video games as my investment. i do not regret these choices, because i believe my long sessions of video game play have imbibed in me a sense of serenity and tranquility; akin to a monk who has spent his days in prayer and meditation. i also believe that spending my summers in hibernation with video games gave me a strong sense of self and comfort with who i am, which has allowed me to be successful in my post video game social life. perhaps this is foolishness, but it cannot be completely denied.

however, i believe that subconsciously i have recognized this ill side-effect of massive video gaming and have chosen to limit my gaming since 2002. i have undoubtedly taken my forays back into the deeper world of gaming world, a la elder scrolls iv: oblivion and pokemon. however in general i have little desire to delve deeper than an occasional bit of gaming.

i feel that this decision has greatly improved my quality of life. as fun as video games can be they will never exceed the joys which can be found in human relationships.

death note

2007-11-13T13:37:00.001-08:00

i felt a sharp pain in my chest...thought i might be dying.
my first instinct was not to call 911 but to open a notepad file and write a final note to the world, this is it:
(btw i did not actually die)

in case i am dying right now:

i love you everyone
my life has been awesome
goodbye mom dad brett sean steph saren harper irina pat amy omar ana kristina jesse everyone

my life was short but full. especially the last few years. they have been truly awesome.

i made two stuffed animals before i died. the koala one is for kristina, the little dude is for jesse

i want all my records to go to jj
video games: sean

everything else must go into a museum and be preserved forever please.

also: please forgive me for everything wrong i have done in this world.

also: cremate me and put my ashes into a steel pokeball which should be thrown into the pacific ocean.

peace out forever
love chance

ps please do not despair my loss, though it is truly the greatest loss which has been suffered by mankind.

the world is my oyester

2007-11-06T09:56:00.000-08:00

i thought i might have MFS (marfan's syndrome) but i no longer believe this.
I am in top physical condition. i could wrestle a bear and hold my own without a doubt. and even if i had MFS it wouldn't matter because i have no fear. if for some reason i died at age 38, as my grandfather did, that would be 38 years of great joy. one year of my life is equal to about 10 of the average person's, perhaps more. as far as overall happiness per square-minute.

i got problems

2007-10-23T11:50:00.000-07:00

i am good at completing tasks quickly. it is one of my strengths and weaknesses. i often do things too fast and many times have i been told that quality is more important than quantity. but i still take pride in being the first one done with a test, assignment, task, etc.

at my job we have to do a thing called billing, and i am very fast at it because you have to type lots of numbers and i am really quick on the 10-key. anyway, my coworker gave me a couple things to bill and i pumped them out quickly and gave them back to her...usually i do this and i always hope that the person will recognize my speed. they never do though! but finally today my coworker said "that was fast!". so i have done this many times, always hoping to have my skills rewarded with some verbal praise at the least. but when it was given i didn't really know how to respond. i didn't say thank you, because it was not really given as a compliment. and i wasn't going to agree with her, because then it would be like i'm just bragging. so i just stood there and didn't say anything. then i went and sat down and realized that really i just want to be recognized as good or fast. but i also want the praise to come without me having to pull it out, in other words i want them to notice it without me making them notice it...if that makes sense.

what does this say about me? im not positive. but i will guess it means that i seek the approval of others....and when i do get it does not matter to me. so i guess i should make an effort to not seek the approval of others, since it really isn't benefiting me in any measurable way.

last night

2007-10-19T11:37:00.000-07:00

last night after hanging out with some friends i got home. i laid down after my internet was being silly and turned on the electric blanket. i made some phone calls to portland people i have lost touch with in the last month as well as some las vegas friends i have not spoken to in months.

after that i laid down and fell asleep while waiting for kristina to get out of a movie so i could go see her. i woke up at 11:49 and decided it was too late to go over there anyway and went back to sleep. i woke up at 4am and felt kind of like i had lost too much time, but in retrospect it was good to get a full night plus of sleep.

my hair

2007-10-12T11:17:00.001-07:00

looks so good today!

i am so hungry

2007-10-11T14:14:00.000-07:00

i overslept this morning and had no time for breakfast...or packing a lunch, and i am too poor to eat at a place around here so i must go hungry. but i will describe my dream meal right now:

in n out grilled cheese animal style hold the pickles extra tomato and cheese
french fries animal style
strawberry milkshake

random thoughts, etc

2007-10-10T12:22:00.000-07:00

it is fun to listen to ipod on shuffle when you are at work, cause work is boring and it creates some excitement. you never know what the next song will be.

today work has been nothing but boring. actually it has been sometimes boring but here are the highlights:

woke up late so i had to rush to work (quick breakfast) my co worker texted me that the dress code was stripes. so i am striped out and looking quite fanciful (always improves the day for me)

drank some good tea (it is supposed to increase mental performance)

i was on the radio! sort of interviewed by erica kahr and told a joke link on another blog

just played a short game of tetris....everyday i try to go to the bathroom and get to level 15 in under 15 minutes...a nice little training session

commander

2007-10-09T10:41:00.001-07:00

i like just walking up to my coworkers and saying weird stuff. just being the weird office guy. i may not command fear or respect but there is something there that you can't quite put your finger on, but i command that.

sunday

2007-10-08T10:55:00.000-07:00

i love sunday. i wake up whenever i want, hopefully late! go watch some football, then eat some yummy lunch. i get all my laundry done and clean up my house nice and fresh. do some grocery shopping, get a good nights sleep after a shower and when i wake up monday morning i am fresh and ready to conquer the whole week.

i wish everyday was sunday

a homeless man's vision of the future

2007-10-04T15:18:00.000-07:00

In the new age of downloading music, mp3s, streaming audio and limitless digital radio stations we have to ask ourselves, is the album dead?

In 1965 the Beatles released the album Rubber Soul, which consisted of all original material, no cover songs. As time went on the album took the place of the single. In 1967 Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club was released without singles.

Today we can listen to a playlist of all our favorite single songs on shuffle. We can download the best track on Itunes for 99 cents. We no longer have to stomach all of the filler that comes along with the album.

Despite this, I don't think the album as a medium is dead. I find that many artists are putting out entire albums worth of material that is not only listenable but actually improves within the cohesion of the album.

But on the other hand I love listening to a good mix of songs, mostly hits. I suppose what I am trying to say is that for many artists there is no reason to release a full album, but for others it is a necessity.

The nice thing about technology today is that we do not have to universally subscribe to one specific medium, instead we can all enjoy music in the way we want or the way the artist intends.

my friends have voted and i am the hottest most attractive cutest

2007-10-02T13:49:00.000-07:00

1st	hotter	3	3	100%
1st	more attractive	5	5	100%
1st	cuter	4	4	100%
1st	more likely to win in a fight	4	2	50%
1st	more likely to succeed	2	2	100%
1st	more useful	4	4	100%
1st	better catch	2	2	100%
1st	rather date	3	3	100%
1st	prettier eyes	3	3	100%
1st	rather have dinner with	2	2	100%
1st	better hair	5	5	100%
1st	better friend	2	2	100%
1st	rather be trapped on a desert island with	3	3	100%
1st	braver	3	3	100%
1st	better singer	3	3	100%

the perfect weekend

2007-10-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

friday: got off work, went on a semi-date which continued into the next day

saturday: trip to multnomah falls (second half of date), lunch at laughing planet, party turned slumber party

sunday: recouped with some football, laundry, nap, cleaned kitchen and eradicated ants

media

2007-09-28T10:31:00.000-07:00

i watched the last episode of season 3 of the office yesterday. it was so good! im downloading the first episode of the fourth season which started last night, looking forward to that when i get home, as well as 3 episodes of big love, and hopefully i can finish off noi albinoi, the icelandic movie about a trouble albino youth named noi.

that is the main media i have been enjoying lately. but i wouldn't mind seeing across the universe in theatres now. it has been too long since i've gone to the theatre. maybe i will take my new girlfriend on a date there!

2007-09-26T09:39:00.000-07:00

wow how crazy! this girl i met at a party when i first moved to portland just came into the office. she is my new co-worker. how long have i been watching the office and longing for a moderately attractive coworker to have jim-pam strange romance vibes in the office. already there have been some funny looks exchanged and such. looking forward to it and will report!

2007-09-18T13:40:00.000-07:00

oh my god im the poorest man alive. my credit card has 22 dollars left on it, 11 bucks in the bank account. my paycheck is coming in soon but it is already completely spent on rent, utilities, credit card payment, and car insurance.

this means i will have to basically live off what food i have in my house once again...luckily after last time i had the foresight to fill my cabinets with rice, pancake stuff, black beans, etc.

it sucks to be on the verge of poverty but what can i do? it would be awesome to meet a girl and fall in love and her move into my house and pay half my rent, too bad the likelihood of this occurring is zero. plus how much would that suck? my place is not big enough for that!

oh well, i can't complain. even though my body is slowly dying and i am most likely going to lose 5 pounds this month due to undernourishment. and the issues with my health keep piling up and i don't have health insurance or the ability to save any money at all, and my car is falling apart and i will never be able to afford to fix it, and the economy sucks, etc, etc....actually i can complain damnit! and this is where i will do it.

in other good news: this girl i like who is really cute is going to come over and watch a movie with me and then i will try to kiss her and all sources indicate she will be into it. this is the only thing that is good right now.

4th blog

2007-03-18T13:01:00.000-07:00

now i have 4 blogs.

pierrecoghil.blogspot.com/
pierrecoghil.diaryland.com
pierrecoghil.livejournal.com
blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=50623